You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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