you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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