Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
