i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
