her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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