why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
