Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
