i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
