I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
