And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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