She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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