I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
