theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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