I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
