My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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