I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
