somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
