I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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