Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
