You're so nebulous sometimes
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
