Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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