Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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