Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
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can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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