put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
