You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
