Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
