Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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