Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Randomize
