Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
