I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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