I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
