the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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