lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
