you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
