I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
