He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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