For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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