Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
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i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much rum. So many feels.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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