i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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