what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
