I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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