It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
