you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
COCAINE IS GR8
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
