dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How naked do you want me to be?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize