A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
