so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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