dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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