Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
