My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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