if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
