a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
