wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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