Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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