dude i'm inner monologue high
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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