i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
