I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
