just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
