one might say we're banned from that church
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
