We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
