so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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