Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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