He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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