grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
