yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
