my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
