I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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