Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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