I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
youre lurking in front of me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
