Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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