I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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