she was so not down for the gang bang
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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