I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
