i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
