I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
