i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
