Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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