Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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