i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
drinking out of a sandbucket again
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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