the condom got lost in my hair
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
