FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
