she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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