Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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