no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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